Who am I?
My name is Vernessa Chuah, the founder of Mindful Space, the first pregnancy loss coach in Southeast Asia, and a certified advanced grief recovery specialist. I am trauma-informed trained where you can be seen and heard.
What brings me here?
How does one cope with the grief and trauma of having lost their children before?
I went from three unsuccessful pregnancies to making one more bid for a child. My first and second losses were unplanned ones, what people call miscarriages. The third was a planned loss (abortion).
In my first six years of marriage, I have been admitted to the hospital every year for an operation/surgery. I am no stranger to the operation theatre, general anaesthesia, dilation and curettage (D&C), or child labour process.
In 2016, I removed my hearing bones due to a childhood ear infection which caused my right ear to be 100% deaf for the rest of my life.
In 2019, the infection attacked again, and I was at risk of losing my facial nerves and muscles; the doctor told me if the infection attacked my facial nerves, it would be irreversible or unrepairable, and I will need to live with weak facial muscles (eg: slur speech, difficulty eating, controlling my saliva, smile or blink). I went in the surgery not knowing the outcome, and if I could ever read clearly to my daughter again.
Read more of my story
What brings me here?
My wound and scars became my strength. Those 52 stitches on my head became 52 “one-up” points in my life. Just like super mario with its mushroom power, each time, I came back stronger and more resilient.My doctor is amazed at how well my wound healed. Many forget that I am one-ear deaf as they speak to me. People are impressed with what I do to gain my resilience.
Keeping my “inner voice” in check at a healthy level, allows me to move forward while still acknowledging my emotions and loss.
I realised I have the emotional capacity to hold space for others who are grieving, the energy that many are uncertain or feel uneasy about. I am comfortable in this zone.
How can I support you?
I practice ontological coaching that focus on the body, language and emotions. I truly believe that being authentic, vulnerable and open has become my strength to be with you in the process.
We acknowledge the physical loss yet we do not need to be victimised by it.
Let us strengthen each other to heal and move forward with courage.
Did you know there are over 40 life experiences you might have that cause grief?
We’re indebted to psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe for the insightful research that led to the Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale. The now-famous scale details the 43 life events that are most liable to create feelings of grief, and in turn cause illness and other health-related problems. Although we use the word grief, rather than stress, we are in total accord with the list of grief-producing events. Our only problem with the list is that it is comparative and as such, ranks losses in a hierarchy on a point system. Since we believe all loss is experienced at 100%—even though not all losses are equal—we choose to present the list in the same order as Holmes-Rahe created it; with the only difference being that we omit the listing of point totals for each loss.
We’d like to point out that not all of the life experiences on the list would logically be viewed as stressors or grief or loss events. Note that near the top of the list is “marriage.” While we all know that the wedding day can be stressful, and that marriage is not without problems, we also know it’s often referred to as one of the greatest days of our lives. Additionally, the list includes “change in financial state,” which is not limited to losing money, but includes the impact of a sudden windfall, like winning the lottery.
Definition of Grief (by Grief Recovery Method)
“Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.”
In addition to the life-events listed, we add a few more under the heading of “intangible,” for example: Loss of Trust, Loss of Approval, Loss of Safety, and Loss of Control of my body, among others.
Grieving Events
- Death of a spouse
- Divorce
- Marital separation
- Imprisonment
- Death of a close family member
- Personal injury or illness
- Marriage
- Dismissal from work
- Marital reconciliation
- Retirement
- Change in health of family member
- Pregnancy
- Sexual difficulties
- Gain a new family member
- Business readjustment
- Change in financial state
- Death of a close friend
- Change to different line of work
- Change in frequency of arguments
- Major mortgage
- Foreclosure of mortgage or loan
- Change in eating habits
- Vacation
- Christmas
- Change in responsibilities at work
- Child leaving home
- Trouble with in-laws
- Outstanding personal achievement
- Spouse starts or stops work
- Begin or end school
- Change in living conditions
- Revision of personal habits
- Trouble with boss
- Change in working hours or conditions
- Change in residence
- Change in schools
- Change in recreation
- Change in church activities
- Change in social activities
- Minor mortgage or loan
- Change in sleeping habits
- Change in number of family reunions
- Minor violation of law
- Loss of Trust, Loss of Approval, Loss of Safety and Loss of Control of my body
Featured In
Pregnancy Loss Coaching
You might feel stuck, a sense of loss and uncertainty. You are not sure what to do next. Everything feels upside down and gloomy. ‘How long will this last? Why you? What is your story?
Explore ontological coaching of your WAY OF BEING in your body, emotions and language. Honour the emotions, and sense your body on what it wants or need with somatic work. Be curious about how is your story serving and not serving you. When you create a different observation, you create new possibilities. With more awareness, you have more power to make choices, freeing yourself from being victimised by the story.
Pregnancy Loss Coaching with Vernessa
Rates: $180 per session x minimum 6 sessions
Duration: 90 minutes per session
Include Ontological Coaching, Mindfulness Practice / Somatic Experience, Creative Arts / Journaling
Grief Recovery Method
In the event you need more than just coaching, with me as a Certified Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist, you have the option to dive deeper into the Grief Recovery Method. This is an evidence-based method that is internationally recognised.
You are empowered with tools that you can take action for other grief and loss in your lifetime, with the aim to complete the emotional pain and any undelivered communication. There are more than forty types of grief and loss. More information at www.griefrecoverymethod.com.
The Grief Recovery Method consist of seven sessions with tools to support you in the different types of losses. This method is not intended to be or substitute for professional medical or mental health services. Pregnancy Loss Coaching with Vernessa
Rates: $180 per session x minimum 7 sessions
Duration: 60 – 90 minutes per session
Include Grief Recovery Book and Workbook