My Pain, My Strength
Support for pregnancy loss
“I am sorry the baby has no more heartbeat”.
Another time, I was bleeding profusely and in a lot of pain. The fetus decided it's not time to see the world yet.
On my third pregnancy, there was an awkward silence during our 12-week check-up.
“I have to check this again from another angle” said the doctor.
My heart was beating as fast as a cheetah running, my mind was blank, these moments are just too familiar of what is coming next.
“Your baby’s organ is outside of the body."
Three pregnancy loss. The third one was the hardest as I needed to deliver the baby just like a natural birth.
I am familiar with the grief and pain women go through when they loss their baby. The endless crying and “why”, the guilt and blame of how or what if we could have avoided it, was it something that we eat or did that causes it.
I am familiar with the shame and frustration you have when others question about why it happened or what causes it (as if we did something to cause the pregnancy loss).
I am familiar of the pressure of keep trying to conceive a healthy baby.
I am familiar with the anxiety of not having a child.
I am familiar of the fear of another pregnancy loss.
It is important to go through the process of your different emotions in different stages, whether it is sadness, anger, guilt, fear or more. Only when we acknowledge our emotions, we can heal from it. If we try to skip or fast forward the process, we might fall back each time the memory or feeling triggers us.
Who am I?
My name is Vernessa Chuah, founder of Mindful Space. I have been through three pregnancy loss and two major surgeries (unrelated to pregnancy).
In 2016, I removed my hearing bones due to a childhood ear infection which cause my right ear to be 100% deaf for the rest of my life.
In 2019, the infection attacked again, and I was at risk of losing my facial nerves and muscles, the doctor told me if the infection attacked my facial nerves, it is irreversible or unrepairable and I will need to live with weak facial muscles (eg: slur speech, difficulty eating, controlling my saliva, smile or blink). I went in the surgery not knowing what will be the outcome, grateful that it went well.
In my 6 years of marriage, I have been admitted to hospital every year for an operation/surgery. I am no stranger to the operation theatre, general anaesthesia, dilation and curettage (D&C) or even child labour process.
Yet, each time I came back stronger and more resilient. My wound and scars became my strength. Those 50 stitches on my head became 50 “one-up” points in my life.
My doctor is amazed how well my wound healed. Body and mind are one, when your mind is strong, your body will heal better too.
Many forget that I am one-ear deaf as they speak to me. People are impressed with what I do to gain my resilience.
Positivity are maintained at a healthy level, so we move forward while still acknowledging our emotions and loss.
I truly believe that my pain is my strength, and I went through these process for a reason, so I can guide others.
I am inspired to help women who are going through pregnancy loss, or who are working to heal from it. I am with you.
If your spouse/partner is spiralling down and need help, I would like to support.
We acknowledge the physical loss yet we do not need to be victimised by it.
Let us strengthen each other to heal and move forward with courage.
In this 3-weekly "My Pain, My Strength" support, you will:
attend one-on-one support session
align your mind and body so you have the right frame of mind to heal your wounds
acknowledge and release your emotions from the pain
learn how to gain strength to stand back up
access to effective strategies that I have gathered throughout the years to help you in the process
Fee: $90 for 3 sessions
Time Frame: Once a week, for 3 weeks
Duration: 60 mins per online session